User Profile

Me: It'd be great if he could do you good
Jamie: And you could do him good
Me:...it'd be like SEX
Juliya: ...I hate walking that long
Me: Then why don't you take a BUS??
Juliya: Up the STAIRS??

Andrew: Dang! How did you like find time to watch all these movies???!
Me: haha I'm a hore-uh hardcore movie watcher.
Andrew: WhAt?

Juliya: I wish it was hotter
Me: Who?
Juliya: ...my soup

Mr. Lanphier: Ok so lets say that Norway has 7 hours a day...
Me:-oh so is it because the days are shorter over there?

"A terrible waste is when you-your mind waste -is wasted that you lose a mind lose a waste" -George Bush Sr.

"We are partners. We have accomplished a lot together. We work together. We've had sex....setbacks..." -
George Bush Sr.

with thanks to brian:
"No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God." -George Bush, Sr

"In the tragic century when countless have suffered under Hitlerism, we...well not our country because we never-uh- f-fought him-them because if we -uh it wasnt us. But still the century is one of obscene events as we fight uh Hiterlism" Dan Quayle

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we
should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever,"
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving
kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean
I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a
very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become
Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other
part of my body,"
-- Winston Bennett,University of Kentucky basketball forward .

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of
the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing
through our papers. We are the president."
-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of
subpoenaed documents.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
-- Al Gore, VP

"I love California . I practically grew up in
Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." -
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports
analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply
exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald We

"Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent Asian" -Anoynomous
LJ-eyes mozzarella on Bene for 25 minutes...
LOLZ:
Don't you just hate that? :
647. Reading a sign,3 hrs into your hike, that says: IN THE UNLIKELY EVENT THAT A BLACK BEAR ATTACKS, USE EVERYTHING AVAILABLE -INCLUDING YOUR BARE HANDS-TO FIGHT BACK. DO NOT PLAY DEAD!
414. That Valentine's Day was placed in February-just in case single people have recovered from the loneliness that Christmas and New Year's Eve induced.
415. When they put a scoop of ice cream on top of your cone but none in it.
When people ask me,"So are u Chinese or Asian?"and expect a serious response.
417. When a radio station only comes in if you stand frozen in an absurd position.
419. Feeling guilty as your bags pass through the airport's X-ray machine despite the fact that jaywalking is the most illegal act you've eve committed.
545. Having a strong physical attraction to a cartoon character.
566.Paying a toll to cross a bridge when you know you're going in the wrong direction.
581. Waking up and thinking, Oh, crap, it's Monday morning. Wait...ahhh--it's Sunday. Oh, no, it IS Monday.
585. When asked to name a weakness during your job interview, you reply:"I have a slight gambling problem that sometimes leads me to theft."
587. Realizing that you are neither left-brained nor right-brained.
591. When the fortune teller says to your wife,"You will have all sorts of adventures with all sorts of men."
593. When a car is about to slam into yours, and you instinctively push your palm into the center of the steering wheel, but the horn never sounds, thanks to the engineer who thought it was better, during an emergency, to search for the little horn symbols.
599. Realizing you're completely ignoring the words you're reading and wondering how long you've been doing that.
600. That your voice only sounds good to you when you're singing alone.
473.People who hold the door for you 20 ft away causing you 2 walk twice as fast.
630.Lifting, then lowering, then lifting your umbrella to avoid colliding with the other umbrellas-none of which seem to ever move up or down.
632. The struggle between wanting to express your feelings to someone you like and the risk of scaring them away by revealing too much too soon.
70.People who exaggerate the danger of picking up a piece of broken glass.
661. The amount of power complete strangers wield over your life.
669. When someone keeps channel-surfing past the one thing that interests you.
670. A passenger safety pamphlet in an airplane depicting a smiling woman strapping a flotation vest around a little girl's neck.
697. When someone tells you,"I'm surrounded by insane people," and you're the only other person in the room.
703. People who stare at their tennis racket and adjust a few strings after making a bad shot.
711. The impossibility of leaving an all-you-can-eat buffet without feeling bloated.
354. Losing track of time in the diner's restroom and coming out to find everyone huddled under the counter, gagged and bound.
360. When your heart skips a beat, reminding u of its eventual failure.

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